I’m failing.
Sucked down by the weight of disappointing myself.
The same old mistakes.
Again.
And again.
And yet again.
Will I ever learn??
Is it even possible?
I SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW.
The familiar heaviness.
Dragging me deeper.
Would it make more sense to let it take me down?
To surrender.
And go quietly.
No more fighting.
The end of striving.
The end of everything.
***
And this is how it happens…
How we forget.
You. Me. Them.
All of us.
Universal suffering packaged up as our personal shame.
“I’m flawed.”
“I can’t cope.”
“I’m helpless.”
“I’m worthless.”
“I’m doomed.”
Circling vultures closing in.
Distortions made real by an over-protective mind.
And the ropes of thought pull tighter round our necks.
Choking hope.
Stoking fear.
Spreading darkness everywhere the eye can see.
Who will remind me of what I need to hear?
Will they get here in time?
Will it be the weary woman on the checkout who throws in a knowing smile, free of charge?
Silently whispering “We are both doing what needs to be done. You are ok. Keep going. We’re going to make it.”
Or will it be the visitor on the street who asks me for directions?
A reassuring tap on the shoulder in the form of an assumption that I am safe.
Silently whispering “I trust you to help me.”
Or the quick little steps I hear first thing - the sound of excitement at the dawn of a new day in the next room?
Or will it be you?
I’m grateful for any and all reminders.
I’m not above needing them.
They are the only thing which can pull me out of the quicksand before it’s too late.
We must remind each other.
Regularly.
Dependably.
Tenderly.
If not you and me, who will do it?
We can’t leave it to them, to other people - that big blob of an imagined ‘out there’.
So please step up and throw a spanner in the works of my mind’s negativity!
And I will return the favour when you’re in need.
Your smile. My words. Your presence.
Our love.
Stronger together.
Enough to rescue many a struggling soul.
We are more powerful than we realise.
How many people will you save today?
Thank you for saving me.
When I forgot my reason why, you reminded me of everything that mattered.
I don’t need visitations from angels.
No walking on water’s required.
YOU are my miracle.
Yes, you!
Fallible, mortal, wounded, wonderful you.
May my gratitude blossom in your heart and keep you remembering over and over, and help you forget to forget more and more and more.
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