Probably the biggest transformation I’ve experienced in my life was when I went from feeling miserable and pressured about my appearance all the time to feeling completely unconcerned about it.
This change happened around six years ago when I was 40 years old. (It's 2024 at time of writing.)
So, how did it happen? In some ways, it feels like a mysterious miracle. And yet, the actual process is pretty simple. It goes something like this…
I went from:
To:
And that’s it!
Then slowly over time the old thoughts stopped coming, and I was free of suffering in this area.
For the sake of clarity, I want to emphasise that freedom from suffering in this area does not mean that I never get the old thoughts about my body anymore. And in the early days of my recovery, they would still be accompanied by painful feelings.
However, what's different now is that I relate to those thoughts differently. And I respond to them differently. I don't worry about them. I'm not particularly interested in them. And if I ever get sucked into giving them attention, I let them go as soon as I realise what's happened.
I'm not afraid of the thoughts anymore, and I'm not afraid of any feelings that might come with them because deep down I know that the whole experience is a legacy of conditioning that holds no interest for me.
I'm interested in love, kindness, learning, growth, fun and joy. I'm interested in living a good life. And I've seen beyond a shadow of a doubt that judgemental beliefs about how bodies should look form no part of such a life. If I forget that now and again because I'm human, that's ok. As soon as I remember, I can get on with focussing on things I truly care about, and allow wellbeing to return.
People who struggle with negative thoughts and feelings about their appearance tend to think that that 'feeling beautiful' is what will make them happy.
But that is not how I'd describe what defines my experience of healing so far.
Instead, my journey towards health in this area has taken me in the direction of seeing the beauty of life as a whole, and trusting that my beauty is assured through being a part of that life.
Sometimes I may see my beauty, especially when I feel compassion and appreciation for myself, and the way that life is uniquely expressing itself through me as an individual.
But my healing has been more defined as moving away from an obsession with myself as a separate entity in need of validation and moving towards a feeling of belonging to a greater whole. This gives me a deeper sense of security and fulfilment that often manifests as feelings of awe and wonder about life itself, of which I am lucky to be a part.
Craving to 'feel beautiful' stems from ignorance of the fact that our beauty is a given through our very existence. Yes, we can do things to make the world uglier, but our potential for love, creativity and wisdom is an integral part of who we are, and never leaves us. And that's what makes us beautiful.
Knowing this deeply has given me an experience of beauty, but it has nothing to do with conforming with societal standards for how my body should look, garnering approval, admiration, praise or jealousy for my appearance from other people, or getting people to lust after me. It is much quieter and more wonderful than that.
Let me know in the comment box below. I'd love to hear about your experience and perspective.
If you'd like my support in achieving your own healing transformation in relation to your body image, check out my free resources or find out how you can work with me.
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